Not "THE ONE"

I so wanted him to be 'the one'. I wanted to love him and have everything be alright. But he scared me and ended up doing what he said he would never do. So I told him to leave. He blames me.

Men have a biological clock?

Well this is damn interesting! As of late, I've heard and read some interesting news on MEN having a biological clock. I'm very happy to hear this as I'm rather sick of women taking the heat about our "clocks". I think it's high time that men take some responsibility here. Thank God that they, too, must own up to this reproductive crap.

I used to think that the "BIOLOGICAL CLOCK" was all horse shit! I didn't believe in it at all. Until it happened and it freaked me out! OK, so I'm not desperate or anything. And maybe it's just societal pressure that makes women feel this way. But I guess it does exist and I guess I can admit it's happened to me. And now....men too have been outed!!!

As I understand this, the older a man gets to reproduce, the more likely the health of his offspring will be at risk or he may not be able to reproduce at all. Huh....HA!!!!!!!!

Therefore....I'm now setting my sights on younger men. :)

Cutest FEET!

you

It's late at night when it's quiet and I can't sleep that I want so bad to be able to talk with you and I know it's wrong and I can't. So I don't. But there are words inside of me waiting to come out and tell you how I feel-like how much I miss you. And how much I love you, despite my broken heart. And how I wish you were in my life. How much I still want you in my life. Especially how much I just want you. Just you. But those words will forever stay in my heart-locked inside. Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too...but I'll never know.

A prayer

Well, once again I find myself facing, or should I say in the midst of the "HOLIDAYS". This was once such a festive time for me. I used to look so forward to Christmas and then New Year's Eve. Now...more like dreading. Just get me through this time without incident. If I close my eyes and when I open them can we be through with all of this? Can I be in January 2007 somewhere?

Skip all the ads on TV of all the wonderful presents that husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends are planning on getting each other. Skip the LifeTime original holiday movies of someone being lonely this time of year and within a 2 hour time span they have solved the problems of their life and have found the love they have longed for or asking Santa to bring them their love. And God help me if I have to listen to one more "HE GOT IT AT JARED'S" commercial I may implode!

Bring me the Festivus pole that George's dad so enthusiastically celebrated! I'll take Scrooge's "bah humbug" attitude any day this year over the happy couples walking arm in arm through the mall. And speaking of the MALL...I'll take online shopping over the crowded malls just to avoid the crazy "gotta have it at any cost" shopper who may deck me if I get in his/her way!

Once Christmas is over and I fly home from visiting my family in the cold Midwest...then it's the dreaded New Year's Eve. I think I have to work New Year's Eve this year. At least that will be my excuse for not having a date or doing anything. Last year I didn't have any set plans. I was called on Christmas Eve by a dood I'd dated and he mentioned getting together for New Year's Eve. I thought what the hell...at least a chance to ring in the new year appropriately with some good sex and champagne. Well, it didn't happen and I ended up with my wonderful gay bf 'W' at a house party where the only men there were all gay with the exception of a few who were with their girlfriends just stopping in to say 'hi'. It was a gorgeous house and the party was set up really beautifully. I got there a little after 11pm and rang in the new year with some cheap bubbly, kissed 3 gay men and drove home. I was in my jammies by 1am on New Year's Day. How fun is that? I do recall stopping by my friend, 'J' apartment before headed out to the party. We hugged each other and wished each other a Happy New Year and I remember saying to her..."Don't worry, 'J', next year will be better"....HA!!!!!! I mentioned that to her the other day and we both laughed. Yeah...not so much. I got nothing. And that's really it.

Just please get me through this with as few tears shed as possible. Just get me through it all. Even if it's in a daze...just get me through it. Thanks, God. I'm counting on you!

See pics of my beautiful nephew!

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