How many shopping days left until Christmas? Fortunately, I think I'm done. Done shopping! Every year we say we are not going to go crazy and I still end up buying way to much and for what? I think I kept it under contro this year. More from the heart. I still need a gift or two for my parents. Pressure is on this year as the whole family will be together. It's been several years since the WHOLE fricken family has been together. I'm sure after the first few days it will be obvious as to why we only spend Christmas together every several years. But dysfunction and all, I'm looking forward to seeing my family.

But the thought of actually having to brave "the mall"! Normally I wouldn't mind shopping. I mean I'm not one of those girlie girls who calls up her girlfriends to plan a "shoppng day" at the "mall" and have lunch and browse for hours. I like to get in and get out. I think that's where my testosterone kicks in. I prefer to go alone, know what I'm looking for and breeze through stores or racks and when that "something" I'm looking for pops out at me...I buy it. I don't spend hours trying on things, combing the racks looking for that designer label that's 70% off. I love a bargain but I just don't have the patience. Not a Walmart kinda gal. I'd rather spend the few extra pennies and shop where people are not wandering like herds of cattle roaming the isles looking for that next blue light special. Not worth my sanity.

I was shocked when I entered "the mall" tonight. I don't know what I was thinking but I didn't expect it to be so crowded. It was early evening and I drove around for what seemed like an eternity vying for that parking space that wasn't a mile away from the entrance. I think I pegged off a few people in my search. Fortunately it didn't take off any paint on my car, but I do believe I heard a thud or two, but I assumed it was just a speed bump.

In any case, I knew exactly what I was looking for. I had a plan. I mapped out my attack. I was keenly aware of the entrance that was closest the store I needed to go to. I was like a tiger stalking its prey. Eyes fixed on what I needed. I moved with precision like ease. Darted in and out of people. Even smiled at a few...no smile returned. They too were stalking their prey. Like an obstacle course, I bobbed and weaved through the masses. A skill I have honed through the years. I must say these were not Cheery Christmas shoppers. Dare I brush up against someone and risk a verbal assault.

I managed to make it to the store I needed for the particular gift I was buying. Specialized of course. Not just an item you can walk in and grab off the shelf. No this one required personalization. "Engraving". I was amazed at the number of people standing in line to buy personalized gifts. Lots of men. Who knew men could get personal? But I digress. As I moved in closer to the check out, I realized that it was the ladies who really put the thought into the engraved message. As did I.
The guys just had them put on something along the lines of "Dick and Jane, x-mas 2003".
But ya know, they will score major points for that with their ladies. Oh yeah....let's face it. We girls will certainly be impressed with that.
On with my story... There I stood in line, waiting for my turn. Thinking that the message I had chosen to have engraved would bring some response from the clerk. It was carefully thought out and sweet. Surely she would ask me who it was for or how I came up with it. I was certain she would comment on its uniqueness. I was next! But no....much to my dismay. It had no affect on her what-so-ever. I was scurried through the paperwork and told the wait was 2 hours or more. No smile or even pause at the words I had thought out so carefully. Just scribbled on a carbon copy paper and totaled on the register. My copy shoved in my hands and "NEXT!" yelled past my ear. Oh well...tis the season. Besides, the words that were so carefully thought out are really only meant to impress one person and certainly not the engraving gal at the store in the mall. I gather my things and once again, maneuver my way through the crowd. Exiting the mall with barely a scratch. Thank God that's over! I'm excited to see the finished product. I only wish I could see the face of the person I'm giving it to when he opens it and reads the inscription. Hopefully it will be better than the gal working the counter at the store.
'Tis the season. One less shopping day left until Christmas. Thank God.

I'm going stir crazy. I have been sick for 4 days!!!
I can't take being cooped up for that long. I actually want to go back to work! My throat has been killing me and I have never been one with a high tolerance for pain. HATE PAIN! And I have had constant pain for 3 days! And I'm OVER IT!

Tie that in with PMS and boy do we have a combo. Not a good thing. I'm cranky, pissy, bitchy and in pain. No wonder no one calls me. And in my state of PMS/sore throat bliss, I sit here contemplating all kinds of things. Why he hasn't called? Why would he call? Screw him, I don't need him to call. As a matter of fact...screw everybody, I don't need shit!!! Then I come back to reality. Well, sort of. Hey, face it...we all have moments and if you can read this and actually think that you have never had a moment like this, well, then screw you...you're lying.

Yeah, I do need to get out. This sickness has taken it's toll.

Man, am I sick. I hate being sick. But true to this time of year. The hectic pace of the holiday season, I always get sick. This one's a whopper. And no one to baby me. I mean, I prefer to be left alone, but still...some sympathy would be nice.
Someone to be there for me in case I need them. My friends are great, as they have offered to get me whatever it is I need. However, what I truly need can't be bought in a store. I don't even think that they would know where to find what I need. Oh well....so I can at least dream.

Cold comfort for change?

As good as it gets

Picture it....New York City. The day after Thanksgiving. It's evening at a small Italian restaurant in Little Italy. Two people meet for the first time in person. After many weeks of correspondence, finally they meet.

In the rain they walk arm and arm. He holds the umbrella over her so she doesn't get wet. Giddy with laughter, excitement and nervousness. How would the evening go?

In the restaurant, the introductions to friends. He steps aside to let her pass by and pulls out her chair. She rests her hand on his knee, his arm around her shoulders. They step outside for a moment, hugging, laughing. Inside the dinner continues and any conversation is lost in the air as she sits next to him in their own little world. Once again they step outside and with his arm around her, he leans in and kisses her lips. A woman selling flowers comes up and asks if he would like to buy some flowers. She is consumed with him and can't take her eyes off of him. He declines the flowers and she hardly notices anyone else's presence. All that matters is that she is holding him now, and his arms are around her.

Dinner continues but she is so caught up in his presence, the hours seem like minutes...seconds. As they leave, again he has his arm around her, holding the umbrella, sheilding her from the rain. They drive to the train station to drop her friends off. He will take her home that night. But life gets in the way and he is not able to. He is leaving in a couple of days. He will be gone 18 months.
The music plays and they kiss. Softly he cups her face in his hands and kisses her gently. He promises to keep in touch. She tells him that nothing matters except his safety. They agree to continue where they left off when he returns to the states. She reluctantly exits the car and runs to meet her friends at the door to the train station. Half way there she stops and turns around. He is still there, watching her leave. They wave to one another. She wonders why does this have to end now? Why is he so wonderful? Why does she meet someone so amazing only to have him leave for so long?

The night was perfect. The feelings between the two were electric. And they shall meet again. Because they were meant to meet, to come together. Everything happens for a reason.

And for the next 18 months, I shall have this wonderful memory of one of the best moments I have had in my lifetime. The music, the city, the kiss and him. What a gift. I will cherish that and hold it close to my heart until we meet again.

Godspeed, 'Z'. I think of you always and pray for you everyday. You shall be safe and protected.