random crap

• Depression sucks.

• Speaking up for myself and telling a guy who I've been casually seeing (just haven't seen lately) to shut the fuck up before I hang up on his ass...really feels good. I have been busy, stressed, preoccupied and basically not available to many people, including close friends, as I've dealt with various issues that have been rather difficult to deal with. And this guy...my psuedo non-boyfriend...my "casual friend" decided he had time for me this past weekend. Well...I didn't have time for him. When I finally did return his calls he starts to yell at me on the phone! When I try to explain that I've been stressed and busy he decides that isn't a good enough excuse. Not that I owe him ANYTHING! So my response to him was; How long do you think I'm going to listen to this shit before I hang up on your fucking ass? Blunt but it worked. I like when I get ballsy and do that shit. Doesn't happen often...but when it does...it feels damn good.

• A coupon at a favorite clothing store. The more money you spend the more you save. Only women get that concept. So I was shopping and found a really cute bathing suit. I loved the colors and asked the sales gal if one of the colors made me look washed out. She said I should try the suit on so she could get a better look at the colors. WHAT! Are you kidding me? I'm not a trying on kinda gal. I go into the store and buy what I like...get it home and if it doesn't fit...either take it back or lose the weight and then it fits or it's out of style. What's wrong with that? But a bathing suit? PUHLEEZE!!! It took me a few seconds to compose myself. I then, very calmly, explained to her that I couldn't and wouldn't try on a bathing suit there for everyone to see...I needed to be in the comfort of my own home. That way if the suit looks like shit on me...I have Ben and Jerry close by to comfort my sorry ass. Isn't that how most women do it?

• Ignoring someone even though it's hard.

• Coming home to my dog. She loves me no matter what.

• Even with the dog...it's still lonely. But I'm eternally thankful for my lovely dog.

• Birthdays. Bittersweet. Inevitable. {sigh}

• Good friends...best friends...lifetime friends...friends since kindergarden.

• Despression sucks.
  

control

People are interesting. Take, for example, a situation. No relationship...two people who enjoy each other's company. Boundaries have been defined. But isn't it always the case where one seems to drive the pseudo "non-relationship". It is the person who has, in his mind, taken control or seems to have control. Completely defined the "non-relationship" according to his terms. Fine by me. All I asked for is honesty. And, thus far...have gotten honesty. However, as long as it's convenient with his schedule. When I exercise my given right in the "non-relationship"...it's not so good. How fabulously interesting this has all turned out to be. What is convenient for me is not always convenient for the other who, in his mind, has control. Unfortunate, really. I guess it's a man thing.

But it goes far beyond male/female relationships. It extends into any relationship, really. How about friends? Isn't there a saying that goes something like...in order to have a friend you must be a friend. What is a friend, really? I always thought it was a two way street. I seem to have some who think that differently. More like a friendship of convenience. When they seem to have the time to dump on me. I need to listen. The ones who never really ask about me just tell me their problems. And call when it's convenient for them. Never taking into consideration that it's 3AM and I have to work in the morning. I don't call them...ever...but they are free to dump on me any time. How convenient I have made things for them. Never asking for anything in return. Wanting to be there if needed. But they never really bothered to see if I needed them. That's not friendship to me. To me, that's a doormat. I understand that there are many times when friends go thru times where they may need me more so at that time...but I know that my friends are there for me when I need them. But there are those that don't bother to think about my needs. They just consume themselves with...well, what's important to them....THEM!

Well, then...let's take back that power. It's tough out there. Hard enough to know who to trust and who is going to hurt you. I'm too old to play games. There are some things in this life that are worth having/knowing...and I happen to be one of them.

True

How dare some say, 'Support our troops'?

Monday, February 14, 2005 MAINE VOICES: Dexter J. Kamilewicz How dare some say, 'Support our troops'? Copyright © 2005 Blethen Maine Newspapers Inc.
Someone recently informed me that they didn't know that my son was being deployed to Iraq and asked why I hadn't told them. I really didn't have an answer. That is when I began to be annoyed by those ever-present, good-intentioned but mindless ribbons stuck on the back of cars and SUVs exhorting, "Support Our Troops." I find those magnetic messages to be offensive when I think of parents and friends of National Guard soldiers who purchased expensive Kevlar armor for their soldiers while Donald Rumsfeld said they didn't have any in stock. Those marketing messages seem so empty when soldiers are told to "up-armor" their Humvees because the Department of Defense had not asked the manufacturers if more could be done. I am saddened when veterans wait over a year for appointments at veterans' hospitals and soldiers in Iraq, Afghanistan and places like Walter Reed Hospital are required to pay for phone calls and emails home. I bet Rumsfeld doesn't have to pay for calls and e-mails back home, and I find it unbelievable and unacceptable that Rumsfeld has not been fired while the troops have been treated so poorly. Support our troops? I accept that there are justifications for going to war. However, I cannot find anyone who can give me a solid reason to justify our going to and continuing the war in Iraq. SEEKING REASONS There seems to be no question in America more avoided, particularly by elected officials, than a discussion of the war in Iraq. I asked Maine's members of Congress those questions. U.S. Rep. Tom Allen said the war was not justified, but to abandon Iraq and its people now would be a mistake. Sen. Susan Collins said that going to war in Iraq was a problem of faulty intelligence, but the chaos in Iraq required us to stay. Sen. Olympia Snowe blamed Saddam Hussein as the revised apparent rationale for invading Iraq, and she focused on the need for global support for the U.S efforts in Iraq. U.S. Rep. Michael Michaud agreed with Snowe. Those answers translate that we got there by mistake, and we are staying there by mistake. There is no plan, there is no discussion and there is no leadership. Didn't we go into Iraq to protect ourselves from weapons of mass destruction and because of Iraq's connections with the terrorists, reasons that have been found to be utterly in error? Support our troops? The pointless death and maiming of this war is pure insanity and probably even criminal. In this war, many times those who died in the World Trade Center have been wounded or killed. Over 1,400 American soldiers are dead, over 10,000 soldiers are physically wounded while uncounted others are psychologically wounded, and, by some estimates, over 100,000 Iraqis have been killed and maimed. How can the killing be justified? Are we going to destroy a nation and kill its people to save it? We tried that once before. Support our troops? I am afraid for my son. I certainly worry about his being killed, but I am also worried about his being placed in the position of killing, too. Most of all, I am angry that we are sending our soldiers to a war that nobody can justify. Most Americans, especially members of Congress, do not have to worry about a loved one in the middle of this war, and they duck the tough questions. Why do we permit a defacto back-door draft of the National Guard and recycle them, too? We were lied to once before, and we must avoid being lied to again. Will President Bush be this generation's Robert McNamara? I hope not. Will the Congress have the courage to ask the relevant questions? I hope so. Support our troops? PLEASE DON'T ASK Now you know why I didn't go out of my way to tell people that my son is being deployed to Iraq, and please don't ask about him if you really don't want to know. Instead, please know that you will be in my shoes or his shoes unless you ask questions and demand answers of those in power. In the meantime, please excuse me if I have a painful lump in my throat or tears brimming in my eyes and that I am so angry with this damned war and the people who declared it. Support our troops. Ask tough questions. Bring them home now. - Special to the Press Herald