accident

Today is the anniversary of the day I was hit by a car. 27 years ago today, sometime in the afternoon, I was hit by a car while I was crossing the street. This is what I've been told. I have no memory of this. I was struck on the left side, went onto the hood of the car, then the roof and came down on my head. I had a laceration of my brain. The paramedics had to cut off my favorite Goofy t-shirt from Disney. The entire incident happened in front of my sister. I was in the hospital for about a week. In a coma for most of it. I woke up to find my mom at the window of the hospital and I asked if I could open the presents that were around my bed. So, yeah....

I was hit by a car and lived to tell about it. Well, tell what I had been told. I guess there's a reason I didn't die then. The only thing that lingers about that accident is I get headaches. Bad ones from time to time. I just had one. Wanted to rip my head off it hurt so bad. But I was lucky that I am sitting here, able to tell about it, with only headaches to complain about. I guess the headache reminded me of this anniversary. Rather appropriate. I'm just a little tired and whoozy coming down from the headache. But I'm here.

In my line of work I see people almost every night who were involved in some horrible accident. I am the one who contacts the families/loved ones of the accident. Sometimes their loved one is only hurt slightly but it just looks bad. Sometimes their loved one is hurt so bad that if they make it through the night it is a miracle. I often wonder why some people's lives are spared and some are taken away so abruptly. So many of those times I hear the loved one say to me through tears that they had just been in a fight. Or they were trying to reconcile and now their love was taken away. It happens more frequently than I'd like to admit. So many times these people wish they had more time to say the "I love you's", "you matter to me", I care about you". They will never have that back. They will struggle with regret probably the rest of their lives. They will move on but always have that lingering feeling of "if only".

Those e-mails that I often get from friends. Almost like spam. You know the ones...."it's national friendship day"....or "national girlfriends day". The ones that get forwarded a million times and I tend not to forward because I hate spam. But if you read them, they repeatedly say things like not taking a friend/family/loved one for granted. And it's true. You never know when that someone will be taken away from you...abruptly. God forbid that happens...but it's so true.

I'm an Aries and I'm German/Irish. I can be so damn stubborn I'll stick to being angry/pissed off at you till the cows come home. I've done it and I used to be proud of that. Why? It's something I'm working on as I mature. Because the thing is...those spam e-mails from friends...even though I roll my eyes every time I get another damn one...they are so true. Nothing is guaranteed in life. Tomorrow isn't promised. Yesterday is gone. You only have now. I have to remind myself of this often...very often. Especially when those I care about are being dipshits. But still. It's a constant reminder that these people are in my life for a reason. For whatever reason, regardless of how pissed off some may make me. I still care for them. I need to be able to tell them more often. I am lucky to have people in my life, even if they do piss me off from time to time. It's not all about me. I would never want anything to happen to anyone I cared about and feel bad that I hadn't told them I cared because I was angry, or stubborn, or just plain scared that they may reject me.

And right now I'm going to lay back down, snuggle with my dog who is quite the cuddler, close my eyes and remind myself how lucky I am to be here after being in that accident. I am exactly where I should be and I am so very thankful for the people in my life. Everyone damn one of them...even you 'O'.

"Accept the present moment as perfect"...now that's good advice.