Over it

I'm supposed to be compassionate in my job. That's a HUGE part of what I do every day I go into that hospital to work. It's basically part of my job description. Lately, I wonder where this compassion is coming from.

It's been a horrible week. I mean, the traumas, tons of people.....tons of angry people. I love that I can help them and sometimes they are grateful. Like the young girl who's boyfriend beat her up. Same story, always the same story. She's young and impressionable. He's an ass and needs to control her and tells her she's ugly, stupid and no one would want her. I told her differently as I was trying to convince her to file a police report. Although she didn't, she hugged me when she left to go to her mother's and with a tear streaked face told me that no one had ever told her she was beautiful before, except for her mother. She sobbed as she hugged me and thanked me for telling her she was beautiful. How sad I felt for her. I sat in that room and told her that she was beautiful but she needed to believe it from within. (Sometimes I shock myself with the advice I give others and need to take for myself....but I digress)

But these moments of gratefulness are few and far between lately. Last night I had a brush with some guys who security had to be called in on. I found myself face to face with a guy who reminded me of a bull the way his nostrils were flaring. Although his language was far more advanced from that of a bull, his eyes were angry and someone was going to get hurt. As I stood before him with 4 police officers behind me and 3 hospital security guards I pleaded with him to calm down before he got arrested and basically bargained with him not to hurt me because I knew he was raised properly and wouldn't hit a woman. I knew the cops were right there and would be on him like white on rice, but only after the first blow to me. Thank God he was somewhat rational and allowed me to escort him outside to smoke and calm down. (I'll rethink doing that again.) And the guy tonight who almost stroked out earlier but once his meds started to make him feel better he cursed out every person who came in contact with him, including me. As I was filling a prescription for him for FREE so he doesn't DIE, he showed his gratitude by having a stare out with me for not doing it fast enough!!! Then tells me to"fucking" quit gabbing with my co-workers as he's waiting!!! Then the pointless "stare-down" to again try to intimidate me. And that's just a smidge of the shit I tolerate. Trust me when I say I love my job as I really do....but....

I'm so over this shit! I need a break from all this crap! I'm being drained and no sign of refueling in sight. I'm dragging. I love helping people but I just don't seem to have anyone helping me. Am I being a baby about this? YUP!!! I AM! I need someone for me...as I'm always being that someone for everyone else, or so it seems.