Dog pound

I was sitting on my porch tonight watching my dog. It was breezy and warm out. Nice night by most standards. As I was admiring my perfect dog, Roxie June, she came up to me, nudged my arm with her nose, as she does so often, to let me know she wanted me to pet her. She's a pound dog. I picked her up almost three years ago at a 'no-kill' shelter near Jacksonville, Florida. She was only 10 months old (or so they said) when I got her. Initially there was some getting used to each other, she chewed my favorite pair of sandals and other various shoes. But she's really a perfect dog. I really adore her.

My dog before her was also perfect. She was found in Tennessee all scraggly looking. Several warm baths later, some plumping up with good food and lots of love...she was a perfect dog. I had her 12 years. Loved her so much and was utterly devastated when I had to put her down. Which is what brought me to Roxie. I've had two "pound dogs" (even though my first was found on the streets, she was still a stray and probably would have ended up at the pound). Both dogs have been PERFECT! I couldn't have asked for better dogs.

My focus now diverts to men. Ah the quest for the perfect man. Or at least perfect to me. I can't seem to find one worth spending a significant amount of time with. I've had 2 serious relationships in my life with 2 very different people. I loved them both. In between these loves have been experiments in sanity. The older I get the more I will not tolerate. Yet the more "freakyness" I encounter. Let me give you some examples of what I have encountered...

• One guy told me never give up on my search for the right man. He told me that we have many things in common and began lecturing me on the bible and Jesus. He told me that I should feel privileged because I was pure white and would be allowed into the kingdom of Heaven. He said that certain races were never supposed to know about God and races were not supposed to mix but I will go to the kingdom of Heaven because I am white. He then said that I will either realize he's the man for me or I will end up single the rest of my life or sitting across from some chump in 5 years because I settled......Hmmmmm, just couldn't bring myself to call him again.

• How about the guy who is stuck in Medieval times. He wrote me and kept referring to me as "M'Lady" and would put in brackets at the end of his e-mails {bows and kisses hand}. I thought I wouldn't read into this too much, give him a chance. So we e-mailed back and forth and I asked him about the m'lady shit. He said that he uses that when he doesn't know a lady's name. OK...I'll get to know him better and by the way I'm KAT. But he never did use my name. He just kept up with the M'lady shit. And more of the bowing and kissing my hand or some Macbeth shit that I felt was just a little over the top for me. He's also in his late 30's and still lives with his parents. They are not elderly and disabled. Need I say more?

• I even had a guy come up to me in a club and ask me if I WAS a guy!!! Now, I was in a gay club with my gay boyfriend. But this is a club that has drag shows and straight people do go...both men and women. Trust me when I say I look nothing like a man. I have no Adams apple, my forehead does not protrude out like a visor over my eyes. Basically I do not look anything remotely like the MonaLisa! I'm not a girlie girl, but I do wear makeup and I do my hair so I look pretty damn good! And this guy comes up to me and asks me if I'm a GUY!!!! I asked him if I look like a guy where upon he shrugs his shoulders. He then asks me if I want a drink. I'm not stupid, I'll always take a drink when offered. So he goes to the bar to fetch my beer and while up there after ordering my beer he proceeds to talk to a very tall, very non-attractive transvestite for like 20 minutes. HEY, my beer's getting warm, asshole!!!!! I figure he's forgotten about my beer and I move while my gay bf plays pool. He does finally show up with my WARM beer and attempts to start some sort of conversation as I sit looking very uninterested. He tells me about his prison record, his high profile family and his colostomy bag!!!! WOW, what a catch!

I can't continue...it's too hard. It's just too damn depressing. And that's just a sample of the men I'm running into or meeting online in the last couple of months. But here's my theory... I've gotten 2 great dogs from the pound. I love them to death and it will literally be till death do us part with Roxie June and it was certainly with Lady. So I think we should have single guys go to a sort of pound. Single guys really shouldn't be allowed to roam the streets like Farrell cats/Farrell guys. It's not safe for the population. So I think that once a guy is single they should be rounded up and placed in a pound of sorts. Cleaner and nicer but a place where they can come up to the cage to greet us when we pass by or if they're shy they just slink in the back of the cage. They're stats are on a card hanging from the front of the cage...you know...good with other guys, not sure about other girls, wife didn't want him anymore so she brought him here, or girlfriend couldn't keep him as her new apartment complex doesn't allow more than one guy per apartment. Is not house-trained, or pees on seat but is worth training. Good with kids or a one woman guy. Any medical info that is known is posted on this card. Do they run away from home, have they been bred with other bitches? Things like this are important to me.

So that's my thought. Guys in pounds. Not free to roam the streets and mess with good women! And the ones that no one wants can go to a no kill shelter to live out the rest of their lives in peace but not able to mess with us single ladies posing as normal guys. No more freaks! That's what I seem to attract! I'm over it. I work in a hospital and it seems as though everybody has somebody! Homeless, toothless, jobless, dramaqueens, chronic sickness, mental health problems, criminal backgrounds....they all seem to have somebody! Now, do I want these people? Hell no, but my point being that it's true what they say..."there's someone for everyone". I'm frustrated as hell!!! I'm hard working, attractive, intelligent, funny, witty, compassionate, easy-going. No criminal record, free of disease, shiny hair, nice, white teeth (all my own), I live on my own, completely self-sufficient and I have a great dog. Now, I ask you...what more could you want? Shit...it's pathetic, and I'm being pathetic.

I've been told that it will happen when I least expect it. So unless some great guy breaks into my house while I'm sleeping and while he's either robbing me blind or (God forbid) doing something else unmentionable, we both realize we're meant for each other and start dating... I highly doubt this least expectant thing is going to happen. Or at least it's going to, I just don't know it yet...hence the least expected part. So...yeah....that's my bitch. Other than that, I'm pretty happy.