A moment

OK, I'm aware that feeling sorry for one's self is rather, well, pathetic. I know this. But I must admit that I am having a moment. And dammit...I still like me! (eh he)

See, thing is, I feel as if life is happening all around me and I'm stagnant. I'm just kind of here. One of my best friends is moving away this fall to start a whole new life in New York City. I know it's somewhat scarey but also exciting. It is, after all, THE CITY!! My other best friend, well, she's just all happy with her relationship and they're talking marriage. They've also pretty much decided to see what happens if she stops birth-control. Hmmmm one can only imagine. I know someone else who has been dating this girl and they've decided to start a family. My sister and her LP are just brimming with joy over their lil' Mack (I am too, actually). People at work are moving away to start over somewhere else. Friends are getting engaged, married, buying houses, starting families, moving for better jobs. And then there's me...

I'm almost embarrassed when someone I haven't talked to in a while calls me and asks 'what's new'. Nothing. Ofcourse they will say "oh that's not true! Seriously, what's going on?". Nothing. Nothing is new. Nothing has changed. Nothing's different. Job is great. That's pretty much all I do. I work and find things to do around the house. Pretty damn boring. And I love the inevitable question I get when I'm asked...and I'm always asked...'So, dating anyone?' Nope. No one. Or, how about when asked; 'been on any good dates recently'? Yeah...let's see....Superbowl Sunday. That was my last date. Sad. Both the date and the fact that it's been months since my last date! Pathetic actually.

I was asked both questions just this past Saturday. The look on my face and the sound of my voice pretty much says it all. And it only exacerbates the issue when it seems as though all I see around me are couples. Couples out walking the dog. Couples grocery shopping. Even homeless people are in couples. Even the ones that have nothing seem to at the very least have each other.

I just don't get it. I'm not ugly. Actually consider myself to be sort of cute. I'm educated. I'm gainfully employed. I make a decent wage. I live in a house, albeit not mine, but it's a house, none-the-less. I'm not a gold-digger. I'm intelligent. I'm witty. I'm funny...and not just by my standards...people really do think I'm funny. I bathe everyday. I make a pretty good attempt to present myself well and on most occasions succeed at this. I have all my own teeth and I brush them daily! I mean, really...this isn't bad!

But, sad to say, life just seems to be floating by and I'm the only one standing on the shoreline watching the people move down the ocean of life. I'm happy for them. All of them! Really. I wouldn't want it any other way. But now that I have come to realize what it is I am looking for in MY life, I can't seem to jump on that float! And it continues to pass me by. Always with more people onboard. New things happening for them and I just seem to continue standing there. I wonder when I'll be able to jump on board 'life'. I wonder when it will start happening for me? Supposedly everything happens for a reason. I'd really like to know who's grand plan my reason for being shipwrecked on shore while everyone else is passing by??!!!!!