Here I sit...waiting for Frances to hit. Most likely a tropical storm with the potential for some hurricane force winds to hit the area. My mother is frantic and ultimately I find it hard to talk to her as I end up trying to calm her down. Hey...I'm the one in the storm here.

It's the anticipation that's the killer. Not really knowing what to expect. And that's so true. Thing is...I've created just that situation for myself on a personal level and the more I look at it the more it's just too much drama. It's a hard thing to do when it's someone you care about. The quote by Iyanla VanZandt keeps resonating in my mind..."lessons will repeat themselves until they are learned". At least I can see this more clearly now, but it's still hard to learn the lesson.


I've never considered myself much of an emotional person. I mean I certainly care about those close to me and I know what love it. Healthy love that is. But when my emotions are being toyed with, it's just something that I need to step back and take a look at. I love roller coasters but not ones that are emotional. Life is hard enough as is. We're all just trying to survive. We all have our shit to deal with. Some more so than others. I know my life could be better than it is but the thing is...it could also be worse. I have many things to be thankful for. And many things that I could have done differently. But I was never one to intentionally hurt anyone. And I expect the same from others. But I don't always get it.

Why is it that women are usually so good at liking someone for what they see as their "potential". We fall for someone because we see that person's potential. Interesting how it's usually the case that the person never truly reaches their potential. And we become cynical and hurt by that. When we truly knew from the start that the red flags were right there. But we so typically choose to overlook them.

I'm not desperate, shit...I'm a good catch. And ultimately would rather be alone than with someone who is a shit. But why are there so many shits out there? And why do they all seem to find me? Basically I'm a shit magnet. Actually, I prefer to say that I'm a freak or unattainable man magnet. If a freak or unattainable man is out there...they will inevitably gravitate towards me. Not something I care to win an award for. But it seems to be the case.

You know...there's some really shitty things going on in this world. Most of what I can't even fathom. The war alone is heartbreaking. All the killing in general all over the world. We all have our cross to bear. Some of those crosses are more of a burden than others. But I do know this...look around you...there will always be someone who has it better than you and there will always be someone who is worse off than you. We will always struggle. There will always be hate. I don't have the answers...I'm just trying to survive. Just like everyone else. It's not all about me. It's not all about you. But it is a choice.

Godspeed Z