another rant

I just have to mention what really pisses me off about women drivers. Those women who are so scared of merging onto the interstate that they do so at 20 miles per hour. And I'm not talking about old ladies. Young ones... Nose about 3 inches from the steering wheel. Both hands clutching the wheel at the appropriate 10 o'clock and 2 o'clock position that we were taught back in the day. If you're that scared of driving in traffic that goes over 40 mph...then stay off the fricken interstate! Jesus! Get out of my way!

Basically, I think that I should be the only one allowed on the road. Nuff said.

new job

Many people believe that things happen for a reason. I happen to be one of those people.

Yesterday I was offered the job I anticipated being offered. I gratefully accepted the offer. I wanted the position and I really didn't have anything else to go to. Still, though, if you have read my previous post, you will know that I resigned from my job with nothing to go to. Although somewhat uneasy about doing so, I haven't felt this good in over a year. It really came down to what was most important to me and I was so confident that I would get this new job that I just made that decision to leave.

The day I actually had my first interview for the position wasn't even a scheduled interview. My friend works at the hospital that I am now employed at and I called her in a moment of hysteria. I had just had a blow up with my boss. It was one of those moments that I felt so utterly at a loss. I wanted to drive away from everything and never come back. Well, after I picked up my dog...then drive away and never come back. I called 'K' and in between sobs I told her I was coming over to the hospital and could she have a cup of coffee with me. By the time I got there I had stopped crying and attempted to make myself look somewhat presentable to the public. She listened to my story and I calmed down. As 'K' walked me out she passed by the manager's office and introduced me to the manager. She mentioned that I was interested in the new position in the ER and next thing I know I'm interviewing for the job! I feel like shit, I look like shit...I mean I'd just been sobbing and I really HATE to break down at work as I never want work to think they got to me. Within 20 minutes I'm shaking her hand and asking what the next step is. That starts the ball rolling.

Suddenly I'm confident that I'm getting the position after anther kick ass interview with the staff. Yet it's a waiting game. And I'm not one for patience. All of a sudden my birthday brings along a life evaluation...then poof! I'm resigning from my job without the other offer as of yet. But the feeling of stress fleeing my body was so worth resigning. And yesterday, Tuesday, April 26, 2005, what I had known all along, the offer came through. Talk about relief! How grateful am I? Very!

So you see...it all happened for a reason. I'd been through some rough months. It seemed as though one bad thing after another just kept coming. I really felt that there was no light at the end of the tunnel but there was. I eventually saw it and things got better. If things hadn't gotten so bad I may not have taken the effort to search for something else that payed better. Something that would put me in line with what I want from my life. Something much more rewarding. And here I am...able to sleep at night and in a much better place emotionally, mentally, physically.

Next step...what does every gal want...seriously.

this and that...and some Jessica Simpson

How exactly do I describe what's going on here. My mom...my dear mother. The women's lib influence in my life who always raised me to be independent and NEVER depend on a man for ANYTHING. She's in her late 60's and has changed her "tune" so to speak. She's chomping at the bit for me to meet a mate and get married. I, however, am not "chomping". I may be looking. Within the last few months I've dated a French guy who defined the word narcissistic. Not a bad guy but not for me either. Then there's the green eyed guy. Man...now those eyes can melt chocolate. Plus he's very tall. I like tall, even though I'm not much more than a munchkin myself. But he seems nice and we'll see what happens. Still, I find myself without that 'spark'. That magical chemistry that is so rare. That amazinig feeling when you realize that you are able to come together on all four levels; emotional, intellectual, spiritual and physical. So rare but so wonderful when you think you have it with someone.

It's taken me through quite a journey to realize all four levels of emotion. I felt that I had that with one person in the past but, unfortunately, we're not on the same page anymore. And I'm finding it very difficult to find that with the fellas I'm meeting lately.

But back to my mother. She has a tendency to ask me from time to time about some of the men I may mention in my life. I have learned over time not to mention anyone I am dating. I've learned that the hard way. She has never liked anyone I've dated and has no problem telling me so. Yet she complains that I'm not involved with anyone. Well...I'm not in a serious relationship, but like I said, I've learned not to mention men so freely anymore. But I do talk about friends and she now brings up my male friends with the idea that maybe I should marry one of them.

My one friend, 'W' has met my mom and dad. 'W' and I are great friends. I love him to death. My mom has now targeted him as "the one". She's convinced that I can change his ways. See, 'W' likes boys too. We're the perfect couple. We both really like good looking boys. But my mom seems to think that I can reform him. Make him see the err of his ways. I don't think a phone call goes without mention of how 'W' is and has he decided to marry me yet. She claims she's kidding but I know she's not. She believes this is just some phase that he's going through and he'll come around in a matter of time. And the thing is, if it is just a phase, I happen to know that my beloved 'W' wouldn't even go for me. Hard to believe, I know, but I'm not his "type". Hey, can't win 'em all.

So what can I do? I manage to redirect her inquiries as much as possible, but she still will bring it up every so often. 2-3 times a week, actually. I feel like Bridget Jones without the English accent...and no Mark Darcy in sight. It is what it is...Can't put a muzzle on mom. Although the thought has crossed my mind and it did bring a smile to my face. I guess I'll never learn. Keep things surface with mom....How's the weather, How are you, How is the dog...blah blah blah. If not face the consequences. When will I ever learn?

I'm thinking that if I throw in some famous name in my blog from time to time and someone google's that person...they'll stumble onto my blog. Hey ...worth a try. So today the person I'm naming is Jessica Simpson...daisy duke short shorts. Oh hell, she is pretty. I'll admit that. Not really sure why I like her but for whatever reason I don't find her as annoying as say that Hilton chick...now she's a pain in the ass.

things that make me weak in the knees

• A good hug

• A great hug

• Brushing my hair aside

• Cupping my face for a soft kiss

• and the winning bid on E-bay

Paris Hilton

As I sit here after a day at the beach I'm watching 'E Entertainment News' and I had the fortunate opportunity to see Paris Hilton proudly introducing her new fragrance...'Sheer'. How is this possible? How does one person manage to be so fricken stupid and still be so popular. I think it took her about 7 minutes to say one sentence. In this really breathy voice she stated that her new fragrance "smells really hot... and sexy... and everybody loves it... and my whole family wears it....and all my friends love it...and they all think it's hot...cuz it's hot....so buy it...cuz you'll love it too...". She then finished her pulizter prize winning speech with some sound that I believe I have only heard once before in the movie 'Splash' where Daryl Hannah spoke her mermaid language! "EEEEEIIIIIIII."
It was just some sort of screetch. I have this tremendous urge to run out right now and purchase this "hot" parfum...er toilet water that Paris is so proud of.

I'm not apologizing for anything. I don't look even a smidge like her....thankfully. I'm still beautiful and I'm sticking to what I truly believe. Yes, she is tan and blonde and thin. Every guy's dream lay. But seriously fellas. One can only maintain the heat of passion for so long...then what are you going to do with the rest of your day? Roll around in her "hot" perfume? What kind of interaction could you possibly have with this person? I guess you'd get along really well if you both loved the word "hot". Cuz it's so "hot".

eh...that's my bitch for the day. Oh, that and the fact that J. Lo is using real animal fur in her new clothing line. Shame on you Jennifer Lopez! Like you don't have enough money!

Ying/Yang

How is it possible to want someone to leave you alone but yet you miss them when they do leave you alone?

sleepy

Just curious to see what I would blog about after I took a sleep aid. So far I've been able to pay my monthly bills without any major disaster. I'm sleepy, but can't sleep just yet. Therefore, I blog. My dog is comfortably resting on the back of the sofa drifting off into a deep sleep. She doesn't need any "sleep aids". Since I've resigned from my job, although working out my notice, my stress has dropped to almost non-existant. Not quite sure why I would need some help sleeping but....I do.

One thing's for sure....this is one fucking boring blog....now I am sleepy....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Relief!

Yesterday I made a very hard decision. I decided to resign from my job. I have no job to go to just yet...but I do have a very good lead. I'm sure that position will come through for me. But still, I did resign from my position without another job to go to and that is always something that is highly recommended not to do. I did it. I'd had enough. My entire body was drained. I was tired and depressed more often that I cared to admit. The more I allowed them to mistreat me the more I withdrew from myself, my life and anything that I would have enjoyed. I didn't like who I had become. My entire being was affected by this. It wasn't so much the position itself but I had allowed one person to affect me in an extremely negative way and I'd had enough. I was once funny and hadn't found anything to be funny about anymore. And since I'd recently had a birthday I found myself thinking that my work was no longer in line with what I wanted in my life. It was interfering with what I was trying to accomplish. Therefore, I made the decision to leave.

Once I made the announcement I felt such relief! My anxiety slowly started to dissipate. By the time I left work I was able to move my neck. It's amazing how I was physically affected by the negative aspect of this job. How much better I feel now. I'm so happy! Those that have called me have told me that they can hear it in my voice. I can feel my old self coming back and that's such a wonderful feeling.

I'll miss so many of the people I have met through my work. I'll miss most of my co-workers as I so enjoyed them in so many ways. But it came down to what was important to me. ME! I was more important. My well being was more important. My mental and physical health was more important to me than any paycheck could ever be. And I should never, NEVER let one person affect me so negatively ever again. Life is too short to be miserable. See...turning 29 for the second time...I love the wisdom. I'm just at that point where I've decided if it's not worth my time or in line with what I want, then I'm moving on. It's just got to be that way. As hard as it is to walk away...be it a job, a friend, a relationship....I don't want to spend any more energy in something that isn't going to go in the direction I want it to go. I don't deserve to be taken for granted. I don't deserve to be mistreated. I don't deserve to be treated in any negative way that will make me feel that I am not as good as I am. No one should ever feel less than. And I'm done feeling that way. I'm taking my power back. Back from my boss. Back from anyone who has tried to take it from me. I'm done. You either get it or you don't. Either way...I'm FABULOUS!

Happy Birthday to my wonderful sister! Happy Birthday Mops! You rock!

My birthday

Well...it's almost over. Another birthday. I wasn't looking forward to it. I didn't want it. It came and I dealt with it. But most importantly I have a wonderful family and wonderful friends. And knowing that I have such good people in my life, how can I not feel loved? I may not have much money...but I am more than rich because of those who love me. How lucky am I?

Happy Birthday!

Sometimes it takes a wonderful lifetime friend to point out what I already know but just needed to hear. It's not my age....it's the wisdom I have gained over the years. It's the changes I've made for the better. It's being able to know what I want and what I deserve and to get rid of things that aren't good for me any longer. Do I still have a ways to go...yes. But knowing how far I've come and how much I've grown as a person. I wouldn't trade that in just to be ten years younger.

Happy Birthday to me!