He's Just Not That Into You

I really couldn't have said it any better...

Wake up, girls: he's just not that into you

By SARAH BAXTER / The Sunday Times

NEW YORK - If you are a woman, you will have heard the excuses before.

He's stressed at work and too busy to call. He's had an awful break-up and cannot commit. He's not ready for marriage or he's too tired for sex.

Face it: the guy would rather chew off his arm than tell the truth: he's just not that into you.

A book advising women to be realistic about the men they hope to date or marry has become this season's publishing sensation. Copies of He's Just Not That Into You have become more difficult to find in America than an honest boyfriend after Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, the authors, appeared on the Oprah Winfrey television show just over a week ago.

A first print run of 30,000 copies vanished off the shelves and booksellers are awaiting another 410,000 copies from the printers.

It has reached number two at Amazon.com, the online bookseller.

With chapter headings such as "He's just not that into you if . . . he's not asking you out, he's having sex with someone else (or) he only wants to see you when he's drunk," you would think it was stating the obvious. But when did that stop women from agonizing over the meaning of men's evasiveness?

Christine Whelan, a poised 27-year-old New Yorker, said that the book "hit the nail on the head." Men, she had noticed, were getting increasingly sophisticated in their excuses: "My favourite happened to a friend. She got an e-mail from a guy saying, 'It was great to see you and I look forward to making it happen again.'

"I thought that was an incredibly positive response until I got the same message from somebody else two weeks later. That's when the penny dropped. It was a 'Don't call me, I'll call you.' He had no intention of following up."

The authors stumbled on the concept while working as scriptwriters on Sex and the City. The women were chatting about relationships when Behrendt, who doubles as a comedian, dropped by.

One of the show's writers was talking about her date. "He didn't want to come up because he had work tomorrow," she told Behrendt.

The women said: "He's probably really busy."

Behrendt said: "No. He's just not that into you."

The line found its way into an episode of Sex and the City and is fast becoming a catchphrase. Tuccillo said that she had "wised up" since writing the book: "I've become more confident. At a party, a man was talking to me all night. At the end he wrote down his web address and said, 'Look at my website and e-mail me what you think.' I thought, web address? I deserve more than that."

Behrendt writes: "Because I am a guy, I know how a guy thinks, feels and acts.

"When a guy is into you, he calls, he shows up, he wants to meet your friends, he can't keep his eyes or hands off you and when it's time to have sex he's more than happy to oblige.

"I don't care if he's starting his new job as the president of the United States the next morning. He's coming up."

Among the advice on offer is: never ask a man for a date. "Don't let a guy give you his number with the words, 'Give me a call.' When men want you, they do the work. It sounds old school, but when men like women, they ask them out."

The authors warn that "an 'I love you' doesn't count unless he says it when he is sober" and he is not into you if he cheats.

Women should stop waiting for men to feel ready for marriage or children: "You women must love waiting around because you do it so much, which is ironic because you're the ones with the biological clocks ticking away. Here's why he feels rushed: he is still not sure you're the one."


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