Why

So often I wish I could calm my mind. Release the thoughts that haunt me every day. Knowing that it would be best to cleanse myself of these feelings that plague me. I can't. It's a drug. It's not good for my body or soul but I can't let go. Why? What is the purpose of this being that has intruded my seemingly normal life and turned it upside down? Why did I let the creature in?

Many things are a gamble and I'm sick of losing. Sick of taking the plunge only to find myself sinking again.

My house is hot and sweat beads on my forehead. The loneliness is palpable.