The Usual

Saturday morning finds me at the usual restaurant with my 2 good friends laughing about all the shit life has to offer throughout the week. Today's topic, as is most weekend's topic, relationships. Not that any of us are in a relationship but it's interesting talking about our dating experiences. And it's also interesting what we remember from relationships that meant something to us.

For instance...I remember the exact date my last boyfriend told me he loved me. March 8th, 1997. I remember exactly where and how he said it. I remember feeling love for him but I've never told anyone that I loved them first so I wanted to wait. And he ended up saying it first, thank God. I thought I may burst if he didn't say it because I so loved him. Well...it was nice while it lasted but it did come to an end. I haven't felt like that since and haven't told anyone I loved them since that relationship ended.

Which makes me wonder how many great loves do we get in a life time? I guess if I were to look back, I can say I've been in love 2 times. The one I just mentioned and my first love when I was still only a teenager. But that was young love and I was so caught up in the romance of it all. I've learned so much since then and probably will not allow myself to fall so hard as I did that first time. Now that was truly a heartbreaker. But comical now that I look back. So foolish I was with my first love. So guarded I am now. Yet still hopeful. But those are the most significant men in my life and they couldn't have been more different. I sometimes wonder if I ever will feel like that again.

I guess I am curious to know why, with the success rate of marriage and/or relationships really not all that successful, why do I still pursue my next great love? Especially since love can be so devastatingly hurtful. Why do I/we still want to be in love? My answer: Although love can hurt emensely, I guess when you're in it....it feels absolutely, fucking wonderful.