Happy New Year

OK, so it's slightly late and that's ok. My new year isn't starting out that well. I've been stressing and just can't seem to find solid ground. But what I need is to center myself and breathe. I need to just step back and observe things instead of taking everything all at once. It's not a good feeling and I'm overwhelmed. I hate being overwhelmed. So if I break it down...

Ultimately I realize how fortunate I am. I have a job that barely pays the bills but I get by and there are others who work much harder and can't pay the bills at all. I have a job and many don't. I have wonderful friends whom I love and I know I am loved as well. They let me know this and for that I am grateful. My friends are my family and I wouldn't know how to survive without them. My family, though they stress me out frequently, they love me. There are many who don't have family and those that do and are neglected by them. I am not among that group and I'm thankful for that. I have a dog who is probably the best creature on this earth (I'm bias) and I adore her for her energy, her playfulness that constantly makes me laugh and her constant affection and undying loyalty to me. She has on many occassions made me laugh when I wanted to cry and then snuggled up to me as if she knew I was hurting inside. She is a gift from God that I am truly grateful for.

So why has the start of my new year been stressful? Now I seem to have forgotten. I try to use the 6 month rule for things that just don't go my way. Is all this going to matter in 6 months? And I would say the majority of the time the answer is no. In 6 months all this shit will be either forgotten or I'll have just let go.

So for this new year I think I need to learn to just let go. To live life the best way I can. To enjoy everything for what it is. To not put such high expectations on everything and just let it be. Not to have an agenda. Not to worry about my age as I'm still young and still beautiful, inside and out and let's face it...age is just a number and is what you make it. Try not to analyze everything like I'm beating a dead horse. To just live and enjoy and be thankful for what I have.
To be more patient and understanding. To not look for acceptance from others and see that I'm good enough the way I am. To love my body, flaws and all as I have yet to see a body that is perfect without airbrushing. To see that we are all perfect in our own way. To just be happy for other's successes and not worry so much about what may not be going well in my life.

There is a reason for everything. I don't need to know the reason but I need to accept that it happened so that something else will happen that is better. To let my walls down and be open. I think this is better than any new year's resolution I can think of. How far I've come in my maturity and how much I've grown in life. Huh...I guess I'm really happy. I just needed to see it in print. And now you have too.