I just feel bad

Not a good day. Monday...not a good day. I had such a fun weekend, although tiring...came back to face Monday morning meetings. No big deal. But received a phone call from my mom telling me that my aunt had passed away yesterday. It was her sister. Although she had been my favorite aunt at one time in my life, I hadn't spoken to her since my grandmother had passed away.

My family isn't very close. Extended family that is. Once my grandma passed away I really haven't seen any of my extended family. Grandma pretty much was the reason for the visits. My family is weird like that. Not particularly close. Which I find odd at times when I hear stories of co-workers or friends talk of family reunions and Christmas with aunts and uncles. We're not like that. Although my sister and I are close and I'm grateful for that, my mom and her sibs just aren't that way.

My memories of my aunt are short but sweet. I remember that she had dyed black hair and wore red lipstick. She almost always had lipstick outlining her lips but never had it on her lips. That's just the way she was and that's just the way I remember her. I remember when she was with my "uncle" C who I later learned wasn't really my uncle but when you're a kid your parents don't want you to know that shit. Uncle 'C' always gave out silver dollars and I loved that. I remember my aunt and "uncle" owned a bar together and we would visit the bar. She used to have a cockatoo that cursed like a sailor and they even had t-shirts of the bars name and I thought that was totally cool to wear those shirts as a kid because of the drunkin mouse on the t-shirt. My "uncle" passed away and my aunt later married another man whom I didn't know very well. Apparently the family knew him well as he wasn't well liked. But at this stage of the game, my aunt was getting up there in years and she wanted a companion.

My memories of her were all pretty cool. She was a cool aunt. There was some bad or shall I say sad moments at my grandmother's funeral between my aunt and my mom. You know how it is...you can say anything you want about your family but God forbid someone else says anything bad about your blood. My aunt made some comments about my mom that were hurtful and I vowed that I would never speak to her again. And I didn't. Now she's passed on...

But I was still sad. Sad to hear of her passing and sad for my mom who lost her sister. I can't even fathom losing my sister.

Sad news first thing in the morning and I came home after a long day, spoke with my parents to confirm that they were headed to my aunt's funeral. Shortly after that I received another unwanted phone call. I was told that my friend, my neighbor and friend had also died over the weekend. He was one of the nicest men I knew. Always a gentleman. Always helping me in one way or another. Be it carrying a heavy box up to my apartment on the second floor or sending up a home cooked meal as he knew I hated to cook and he enjoyed cooking, not to mention very good at it. Both him and his girlfriend were very good to me. Always welcoming, always willing to help. I never did anything for him. He never asked for anything in return. He was just a really great guy and I so appreciated all that he did for me.

He was young and beautiful. A truly beautiful, talented person. And now he's gone. And, although I always thanked him for his help or kindness, I don't think he ever knew how much I truly appreciated him. How much it meant to me when he sent me upstairs with home made spagetti and meatballs only to knock on my door an hour later to present me with garlic bread that he forgot to include. Or the roast beef and veggies. The time he sat and tried to fix my computer and worked out many of the kinks. That was the last time I saw him...when he sat at my computer and told me to get the recovery disk and he would come back up and reinstall it so it would work for me. That's just how he was...always offering to help and never expecting anything in return.

My heart goes out to his family and his girlfriend who I also know. I hope she knows that I am here if she needs me. I know I was just the neighbor...but we were good neighbors and he will be greatly missed. I feel lucky to have known him.

Goodbye C.O. Thanks for everything. I'll miss you. Goodbye aunt 'M'...thanks for the memories.
Say hey to uncle 'C' and see if he has any more silver dollars. Don't go bickering with grandma...you know how you two get.